Category: Dating and Relationships
Hi everyone,
I see that people have already posted about long-distance relationships, but I wanted to throw in my story and situation. I'll try to condense my story as much as possible...
I've been on eHarmony for a year with no success. However, about two months ago I started communicating with a match in England. Naturally, as my profile says, I live in Hawaii. So there's a vast ocean between us. Anyway, for the first two weeks things seemed to go really well. We e-mailed once a day and shared getting-to-know you stuff with each other.
However, after the first two weeks I noticed that his e-mails went from once a day, to every other day and now to three or four days inbetween. I have to say here that the tone of his e-mails never change. He always sounds the same and I've never gotten anything from his messages that he's distancing himself. However, I can't help but think that's the case.
Someone here posted an article about long-distance relationships that I found extremely helpful. The only part is, I don't think what this guy and I have could be termed a relationship. After only two months of e-mails, I thought perhaps it was too soon to proclaim it as such.
I've tried to get him interested in finding other ways of communication, but while he says he's interested in looking into other things, he never suggests anything. And I've suggested one thing which he seemed to like, but again hasn't brought it up since I last mentioned it.
So judging from the little I've written here, what do you all think? Should I just come out straight and ask him if he wants to continue our communication? Or should I just keep going along like this? Or should I just give this up and assume he's not that interested and is only continuing to e-mail for the heck of it?
Glad for any advice,
Bookbug
I think that when you haven't actually met in person, it's hard to keep just an e-mail relationship going. It might be best to think of him as just an e-mail buddy until he indicates he wants more. Long distance relationships can work out, but both people involved have to want more than just an internet connection.
Usually things progress from emails to phone calls, asking someone out, being exclusive, etc.
If you are just at the email stage, I suggest that you just realize it for what it is, an email friend. It's only when you are exclusive with another and the magic fades, that's when you have to figure out what you need to do. Downgrade the relationship back to an email friend or sever ties all together.
What Becky says about meeting. That really has to be the thing you have to do before you say that you are truely a couple. Before that, it's wishing, hoping and a lot of infatuation.
Thom
That's very true. I would like to talk on the phone or even send voice files to each other. But with the phone, he claims that the time difference might make it hard. Someone recently told me that this is BS, becaus eif the two people involved really want to connect, they'll find a way.
I think what I'm trying to figure out is the time period of our communication. By this I'm trying to figure out if only two months of e-mails might be considered too soon to try to move forward. However, I did briefly date one match when I first joined eHarmony. We had our first phone conversation after about three weeks. Yet, I keep telling myself that not every communication is going to adhere to the same timeline.
Better shut up now. I could go on and on about this.
Thanks,
Bookbug
I personally say come out straight and ask him if he is trying to distance himself, and if he really wants to continue getting to know you. If he claims he does, make it clear you need more communication than you are currently getting. I think that's a fair and completely reasonable need on your part. If he's unwilling to do that, or says he is but continues as he has been, then I say give it up and look for someone who is willing to give the time and effort it takes for a long distance relationship to grow.
hi Bookbug,
i'll suggest to keep the communication going naturally, over all, you both just know each other for two months.
perhaps, you've try to give him clue of somekind that you wanna perceed further but he aint ready yet?
i'll suggest just go with what you both comfortable with for now. don't think man will prefer to have a girl pushing too hard over him. it can have negative impact of somekind.
but the underline question is, do you want to keep this friendship, beside having a relationship with him if things gone the other way than what you thought, or just purely wanna have a relationship. if you purely want to have a love relationship with him, then, you can be clear to him on what you feel and want and uncomfort with. but however, if you want to keep the friendship or communication going, take it slowly will be the best for now.
Just a little follow-up. I wound up sending him an e-mail where I came out and asked if he was still interested in communicating. He replied back that he was and he's sorry if I thought he was interested. He just wants to take things, as the last poster said, naturally. See where things thing without rushing into anything.
Now that I heard what he has to say, I'm satisfied. I agree with him wholeheartedly.
So now I guess I'm wondering... Are there any tips on keeping e-mail communication interesting? Or things I could do that keep him guessing in a good way?
Bookbug
Don't e-mail each other everyday so that there is time for other things to occur and transpire, then your next e-mail will contain new and exciting things. If you e-mail each other more than once everyday, then you'll run out of things to discuss quickly because you're telling each other everything right after it happens. So on days that are just chill-out-and-relax kind of days, there's nothing to talk about.